The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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