that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Randomize
