i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
