awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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