saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
