Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
