He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
