what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
