The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
