What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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