oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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