is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
