Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
