o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
