I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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