i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
