she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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