I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
