the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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