my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
