see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Green mimosas i think yes
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
