i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Randomize