took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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