Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
