No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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