Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
