Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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