R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
