His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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