is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
