THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I supernannyed him into submission
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
