He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I pour the whiskey from now on
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize