You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize