is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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