Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize