She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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