your thong is hanging out like whoa
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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