he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
