you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize