I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
