you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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