Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
