You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
