Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
