when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
