you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
