Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
