My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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