I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
