Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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