I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
