last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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