Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
