it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
