She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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