the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
