but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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