I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
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