I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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