Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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