The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
