At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
