I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
