Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
