There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
