and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
