Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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