how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
