Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
